Worse than I thought.

Update: I lost Jake. He died during surgery. I held it in all day. I cried off and on...but when all things settled...I tucked myself in bed and......it was out of my control. I felt like a huge lump was in my throat...I felt like my heart hurt...and I couldn't help but cry out loud. I cried so hard I lost my supper and more. 

I don't know. Maybe some folks think I'm crazy, because they don't understand...that's okay. 

After...I looked in the mirror and saw what I've been pushing back into my mind over and again silently until recently it has come forth....the butterfly on my face. I'm not saying it is...but I can see it..more now than ever. "Do not think," OH dis girl she tryin' to claim something" PLEASE. Stop.  I've been feeling better with less aches, and no shortness of breath since I've been taking an otc anti-inflammatory. BUT I've been tired. My gums are bleeding more than they use to....WELCOME TO MY PITY PARTY FOLK! 

I am quite aware that I'm a blessed person....in fact...I feel like I'm overly blessed. So blessed that I am ashamed to complain. So...I'll stop.

BUT one thing you should know...I'm real. I'm not gonna play up some illusion that I'm not human...that I'm perfect...that I never hurt or feel angry...or get offended...or whatever...FACT is I'm learning everyday..I'm changing everyday...and I am getting stronger...You might not be able to see it....BUT HE can. He is the one holding me up...He is my Fortress. 

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The Return

I got a phone call this afternoon that would alter my day. The neighbors called to say that Prince Jake had been found. THANK GOD for good neighbors!

I knew he'd be dehydrated. He's been missing for a week today. I bought Pedialyte before I drove home.  I came home to find him dehydrated, tired, and with some kind of injury. I gave him as much fluid orally as he would take. My husband will take him to the vet in the morning, and we will get him treated. My heart is breaking, because I can't take his pain away. I am thankful he is home. Hope.

Pray for my Jake.

A little song for Jake. May sound corny, but this year has really stunk at times. I thank God for my family. I thank God for my Jake. 

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Expo and another result

Natalie and I worked the Expo for the past two days with some awesome folk! My feet hurt, but we had a ton of fun. We loved the Florida tent...not just because we are Gator fans. Science was all over that tent. We stayed at that exhibit longer than any other, because Natalie was lovin' it!

I got home and soaked my feet!

My general practitioner's office called...and guess what....ehheheheheeee. My Celiac Disease test came back NEGATIVE! WHOOOOOOOOPP Give me a cookie! Bake me a cake! GLORY TO GOD! HEALED OF CELIAC DISEASE!

I did have another part of the test show that I have low A....something. lol anyway...she said that I have some sort of autoimmune stuff going on...so.

I found an outlet for my despair about Jake's disappearance. I dug, raked, and am still cleaning my garden. I would like to build a small fire pit to roast mellows on:)

Longest week

Wow. This week has been long. First the bad. Duma is gone-he is wild I think. I am having to have more tests. The worst thing: my Prince Jake has fled after a freak accident. I always ease really slow into my driveway. As always I did and this time Jake stopped for some reason. I either got his tail or leg or foot... Or ... And he ran off . I am so so so sad. He is my son, and I don't care what people think. He ran out of food. I bought him more and refilled his bowl. If you know me well, you know how I feel about this cat.

I had a wonderful report from the heart cath. My Thirty one party this week was a blessing in ssoooooo many ways. I have a beautiful family. A home and etc. I am still so very blessed.

Now- pray for Jake's return & this neck pain n stiffness to vanish!

RHC

I'm alive!
The RHC wasn't terrible.
I was able to push the thought of the RHC into the back of my mind. I had some great support from my PH facebook fam=they are super! When Josh and I made our way to the cardiac waiting area, I almost started crying, but I didn't. I just thought this in my head, " He is jealous for me. Loves like a hurricane...I am a tree."
The most uncomfortable part was the shoving in of the catheter into my neck. I didn't really feel it all in my heart, but apparently my heart got a little tickled-which was ok. I did have conscious sedation along with some nausea med. After the procedure, they wheeled me back to the recovery room...for only 30 min....then it was homebound. I forced myself to stay awake until I got some food:) hahahaha! I really like food. Then I was out. WAY OUT. I slept the entire 4 hours home. It was good.

God has a way of say, " I'm here." He works through us.
 When I got home, I decided I would walk to the mailbox and get the mail. Our new neighbor, Courtney, walked by with a stroller. She stopped and introduced herself. (I have been saying for a while: folk just ain't neighborly like they use to be in the old days) What a gift! She was so very sweet, and offered to bring supper for Wednesday. I'm pleased she's our neighbor!
My neck was very sore. The tape and everything pulled and pulled , and I had to hold my neck over like I had a crink in it. I rested as much as I can, but also made sure to hold my Prince Jake.

My Duma, I believe, has wondered off into the great unknown. He may return again. I knew from the beginning that he was a little on the wild side. I named him Duma after a cheetah, and that he is...:)

It's time for the bandage to come off, but it burns like crazy. A couple gross spot-like a burn, sometimes the tape does it to me.

I'm hoping when I get this thing off my neck won't be so sore.

OH the results. I forgot.
The cath was good:) Pressures were good so guess what!!! NO PH! wahhoo!
I have been released to run.
I had my A.N.A. test come back positive with a speckled pattern. This means I'll be seeing a rheumatologist. Dr. Nisbet said it meant I possibly have a connective tissue disease, and it could be Lupus.
I will run though for those who can't!

Early to Rise

It's time. I awake in the early morning for the Right heart cath. I am ready to get it done and find out what is going on...I did puke tonight - but it wasn't nerves - I think it was the wheat I've been consuming over the past few months. The wheat has caught up with me I reckon . Today has been good. I am so thankful for all the encouragement and prayers !

I will run again . I'll run for those who can't run and wish they could. I will represent the PHers that can't run. I will raise awareness and share hope .

Not Today!!!!

Last night I spent the night in Atlanta. I woke early to get my Methocholine Challenge Test. When I finally got finished with that test, we ate lunch and headed home. The Albuterol , they said, would make me shaky...and it did. AND I got nauseated. Seems like every test makes me nauseated. UGH! After rolling down the window, rolling through ATL with my head by the window like a dog, and getting rid of the nause...I got to get my Thirty-One items. YAY! :).

 THEN I got home to find that my littlest was missing...my Duma. I am very sad. I mean...really...now...a missing pet. Just what I needed right? So now, I'm crying off and on like a baby. My Prince Jake, he is alone again. I know Duma has only been missing for 7 hours, but he never ventures off like that....YES I know male cats wonder, but he is a little one. :( Pray for his return please. PLEASE.
OH! And I am having the Right Heart Cath on next Tuesday EARLY morning. I hope Duma comes home by then.